To the Muse

To the Muse

It isn't about men leaving.
Not my brother's gun.
I feel like shit
Most of the time
Thinking I forgive you but I don't
Understand you.
Only in the bad times,
The worst places, I find you in me.
Black juice of joy rant and storm
Surge of pain; this is the blood spring vital.

Your ghost screams in pain.
I can't believe I wrote that.
Your ghost screams in pain.
Biting itself, shredding its tongue,
Shredding its ghostly arms
With nightmare claws. Wake up now.
I'm writing this for you.
Everything is for you, these forget-me-nots,
These chocolates, this glass of gin, this rage.
The car run into a snowdrift, bottles of pills,
My crimes, my sacred enemies, lockdown
Ward two west and meds call.
What have I not given, endured?
I am faithfully yours.