Saturday, April 5, 2008

Without Transport

Variation One

What they said is true: in the moment, no fear.
I heard a scream--a long no-o-o-o!
from my own throat, that would have sounded like terror, like suffering,
to anyone if anyone heard--even I listened with concern,
from that other place where I was turning the wheel
and leaning with the car's flight from one slick
snowbank on the left of the road down the chute
of ice to the other side of the narrow road,
thinking thank god no one coming...as the car flipped on two wheels
and righted itself and spun again going faster.
I heard the long cry unwinding and saw the world
coming toward me at odd and immediate angles, and I steered
steering well adept as I am but unable
to slow the speed at which the steep pulled
the heavy car down the spiraling sides the ice but there
was no fear, just infinite wonder at how the moment unwound
itself in parts, immense surprise and an opening
of time which happened all at once and still in telescoping stages.
Come to rest, I looked up at the sky
because the car was pointed slightly upward, as if broken.
The engine growled and the headlights went out.
I closed my eyes then, knowing nothing
to be done. I leaned my head against the seat
and went to sleep, I had never been so safe.


Variation Two

It's true if you had heard me screaming, hurtling downhill,
and if that had been the last cry and I hit the bank, went over
and never wakened, it would haunt you to listen
over and over in your mind, to someone screaming
her way to death, you would say "terror" you would say died
suffering, cried out, it would hurt you and make you cold
inside and so afraid I would never be able to tell you
it was not like that, that the cry that roared from my throat
was all the animal's surprise and fierce knowing... These
cries, I heard them too, as the world rushed
forward at such unusual angles, faster than
thought and yet discrete, it all happened just inside
a life I was pushed away from at that moment to witness--
If you had heard you would not have known there was no fear
that I was one with every turn and spin and hurtle, safe within it,
as I had never been safe before.
That all that moment blossomed violent and terrible only to amaze.


Variation Three

It was so interesting. Flying out of it.
Glass and lights, and gasoline spilled on the snow.
Today is a ditch.
I've had nothing to eat. I'm not dressed.

There's a smell of skunk under the window.
I remember how much I hate spring.

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